The Importance of Friendship

How's it going bastards—uh I mean friends! I hope you are all enjoying your day and if not, don't fret; I am here to make you feel better-ish. Think of me as a friend of yours. Friends are important because we as humans are a social species that derive satisfaction from social interactions. Numerous experts would agree that humans need a sense of belonging (i.e. communities, nations, and even sports teams). However, there are important distinctions that need to be made to determine what a true friend is and isn't.

Most of us have at least a couple of friends, while others are not as fortunate. But let's think about our "friends". How many, if any, are you genuinely able to rely on in a serious emergency? How many of your friends do you trust? You'll find out that the number isn't as high as you would have thought. But it's okay you're not the only one. This is rather alarming, to say the least. But why are we having this problem, and how can we fix it?

I believe that the problem is not only rooted in the individualistic philosophy of the American as Emma Seppia describes in her article, but also in the misunderstanding of what a friend is. When you google the definition of friend you will get this:

"a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations."

This definition, while technically correct, is rather simple and opens the door to the idea that anyone who meets that criteria is a friend. The implication of this is that anyone from your local drug dealer to your local serial killer is a friend as long as you have a bond of mutual affection. This isn't just arguing over semantics, it is clarifying the proper use of the word friend. That is why I will be using the classification system of friends that was introduced to me by the author of the book, "How to be a Stoic" by Massimo Pigliucci.

Pigliucci uses Aristotle's framework of three types of friendships: friendship of utility, friendship of pleasure, and friendship of the good.

Friendship of the utility is what we would call an acquaintance based on mutual benefits of all parties involved. For example, your favorite barber. This bond exists as long as the mutual benefit exists, once there is no reciprocal advantage to either party the relationship will dissolve.

Friendship of pleasure is similar to the friendship mentioned above, but instead of the relationship being only useful, it is also pleasurable. When talking about a friendship of pleasure, some people would use the word "friend" rather than acquaintance. But this bond disappears too despite the parties having some similar social hobbies. An example of this would be your smoking buddies or drinking buddies you see after work or on the weekends.

Friendship of the good goes beyond the minimal requirement of the first two Aristotelian categories and is the type of friendship one must seek in order to become a better person. This type of friendship is a rare phenomenon because it is when two people truly enjoy being around each other, it doesn't need an external hobby or business transaction to connect the two.

Ultimately, a real friendship should never clash with your virtues or moral compass, a real friend builds you up and genuinely enjoys being around you just because you are you. Being armed with this knowledge maybe the world can get out and cultivate meaningful relationships and then will people be able to have friends to truly depend on. Till next time friends!